


wildest dreams

by Alaxia



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama, F/M, Heartbreak, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-25 16:24:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19749406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alaxia/pseuds/Alaxia
Summary: Sakura loved Sasuke but in hindsight, she knew it couldn't work between them, it wasn't meant to be from the very beginning. She had been right to doubt when they decided to cross that line all those years ago. Back then she hoped for his love, but in order to love anyone, she had to learn to love herself first. / Modern AU - Heavy Angst





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: past and future**

.

.

.

**present: now.**

She heard the slide window open and close behind her, but the view was so beautiful she didn't want to miss it, not even for a second. It wasn't like she needed to look to know who it was anyways: his scent and his aura and the way she knew he walked… she was certain.

He stopped at her side but didn't face the view, his back resting against the rail. _Wasn't he always like that though? unable to see beauty before his eyes? choosing to look over it?_

She sighed.

"Will you remember me?" he heard her asking quietly, hands crossed on the balcony rail. Standing on a nice dress, staring at the sunset, her posture relaxed. Inside, the party kept on going with the same old friends that insisted on leaving always too late.

"Aa".

His eyes were closed, head crooked to the side opposite from her. She looked at him: tall, muscular and handsome as hell wearing a casual white button up shirt, slightly open at the collarbone. He glanced back at her: red lips and rosy cheeks, too many glasses of champagne it seemed.

And then he remembered.

 _Long legs tangled with his, pink hair against the black of his sheets, dark shade of green on her eyes when she couldn't keep them open anymore because he made her feel so_ so _much when he moved like that, hard and slow._

.

.

It'd been the worst Monday ever: her alarm didn't go off on time, making her late for her shift thus not having time for either make-up or coffee. Fifteen minutes later there were no taxis on the street- and then she was _thirty_ minutes late and Shizune looked at her funny, because she knew Tsunade was hard on punctuality- _she was on a bad mood already_.

Lunch came around and she found herself in a better mood, morning all forgotten. A fellow coworker asked to join her, she smiled politely, _of course, I’d love if you join me_ , and made small talk. _How is your wife? how are the kids doing at school? yeah, she remembered how mean other kids could be, but it’d surely pass_. Her phone rang. "I'm sorry, this will only take a minute" she apologized; he smiled and frowned at his extremely green salad: vegan.

"Naruto-kun, how nice to hear from you right in the middle of my lunch break" she greeted her friend sarcastically.

"Sakura, I'm sorry I have to be the one to say this to you…" she couldn't remember the last time she heard him talk in such a serious tone.

Back at the table, the man she was sharing her lunch with looked at her with worried eyes. _Jesus, something really bad must've happened._ She looked like she was going to be sick or pass out at any moment.

He chewed on his tasteless lettuce and looked attentively at his coworker shaky form.

He hoped everything was okay.

.

.

She heard the knock on her door. _Again._

_Go the fuck away._

"Sakura, I know you are in there; I called the hospital already …" She sighed, it was impossible to keep Ino away; she could be a pain in the ass when she wanted to.

She cursed, got up from her position in front of her TV and made her way to the door to open it. Ino took her in: pale face, wrinkled clothes; sullen eyes, expressionless face. _Sakura…_

Neither of them said anything as Sakura felt slim arms hug her frame. It didn't take long. "I'm so sorry…" the blonde whispered. The woman with the pink hair couldn't hold back anymore, tears started forming at the back of her eyes and she didn't stop the sobs- _her heart was breaking into tiny pieces._

_Please let it be a dream._

she thought _heaven can't help me now._

.

.

**3:43 AM, five months ago.**

The night was chilly but the windows were wide open letting the light of the moon shine in, coating the lovers silently. "No one has to know what we do; you know?" she said mostly to herself, but she knew he was listening.

_He always did._

His clothes were all over her room; his hand ran lazily through her hair while the other rested on her lower back, she could hear his steady heartbeat from her position on top.

Because she knew he had more important things to take care than her - _and them-_ , he had just a little too much baggage to carry and work on. There was no denying he was utterly messed up and he was _so_ lost, _and she yearned to help him, to heal him; so much it hurt_ her _._

"Sakura…" his voice, a familiar sound, so close and yet so distant. Was he there, right there with her? –what was he thinking? ' _what was he dreaming of?'_

He flipped them over in a blink; her back pressed against the soft mattress and he was looking at her like _that again._ Soft kisses on her neck, she closed her eyes; his fingers played with her nipple in a slow sensual motion; and she could feel it, she could feel herself getting wet and anxious to be touched and she was losing her resolve so easily … and it at started again: _this is getting good now…_

.

.

.

**present, 35 minutes ago.**

"I would like to make a toast for this bastard right here, for being promoted to Senior Partner, the youngest lawyer in the firm ever to make it!" Naruto raised his glass and looked at his friends with a grin, turning to focus on a dark-haired man "Although you got the job all the way across the globe before me, I'm still proud of your stupid ass ‘ttebayo!"

The entire group cheered after him toasting glasses, even the ever so serious now-promoted-senior-partner couldn't help a smirk. The chatter and laughter continued like it hadn't been interrupted, the blonde quickly scanned the room in search of a certain missing girl, his quest all but forgotten as soon as we saw _his_ girl.

Hinata smiled at her boyfriend´s antics, somehow he always managed to make everything a competition between Sasuke and himself. _Boys._ He joined at her side and hugged her waist. She kept on the smile, but couldn't stop the blushing, years into a relationship with the blonde hadn't help her control it; he squeezed her side and looked intently at her glass, the girl rolled her eyes back in response "It's just water Naruto-kun, don't worry". The blonde smiled and kissed her hair. Her blush deepened just a bit.

.

.

.

She had cried for nearly three days straight after Ino left. It wasn't as if he had broken up with her, they were not even together to begin with.

Regardless, the medic was torn: one side of her was happy and _oh so proud_ of him for achieving so much at such a young age, considering everything he had been through; on the other, she felt her heart was tired of waiting, ten years was a long _long_ time and she felt defeated and used and _unloved_. She was twenty-five and lived half her life with a broken heart.

Love couldn't move mountains, she realized, love couldn't take it all; love was a fragile thing, her feelings for the man had been deep and raw and so fucking strong… ' _with what propose? Why wasn't she enough for him?'_

She applied red lipstick to her lips and checked her make-up in the mirror. The amount of concealer she had to use to cover her dark circles didn't look that bad after all _, 'Oh no, I'm just tired, I've been working until very late recently'_. Still, her eyes betrayed her; they lacked their usual brightness and spark to them. She felt exhausted and emotionally drained.

The first night she felt pure and raw anger towards the Uchiha. He had no problem with fucking her every night and then leaving her like it meant nothing, not a call not a single message; and she was equally stupid because when he showed up at her place unannounced days later, tired, dark circles under his eyes, she would melt against his kisses and touch, _how was she supposed to stop him?._ The son of a bitch didn't even have the decency to tell her he was leaving himself.

" _Sakura… I- he got the job in New York, he'll leave on Saturday. –I'm sorry, he won't be back for at least a couple of years. It might do him some good to get away for a bit, but I'm so sorry Sakura, you don't deserve this- If there is anything…"_

On the second night, she meditated: in hindsight, she knew it couldn't work between them, it wasn't meant to be from the very beginning. She had been right to doubt when they decided to cross that line all those years ago. Back then she hoped for his love, even if it was just pretended. Now she knew better. He wasn't capable of giving back anything: he wasn’t capable; there was no space for her within his own demons, his own past drowning him.

Not matter how hard she tried to fight it, how hard she tried to push those demons away _his family,_ to make him see there was a future for him, _Itachi_. He was meant to come to the realization by himself. But she knew he wouldn’t, she was aware of how selfish it was to ask such courage from him, he was broken inside. _Could she blame him?_

Just the night before, as she tried to fall asleep, she realized she would try and give up on loving Uchiha Sasuke, she would force it upon herself. She would forget and forgive him for his shortcomings; he never asked for her love, it wasn't fair to blame him for it. She knew the next day Naruto had planned a party for his best friend, she would attend and look pretty and say good-bye to the man of her dreams for the very last time.

_Nothing last forever._

.

.

**present: after.**

She gathered forces and smiled; only a sad one, though. She wanted to laugh at her own stupidity; there was no way out for them, just separate ways. No more wishful thinking from now on, she promised. No more looking back.

The sun had set and the city was cover in a dark grey hue.

She looked his way, avoiding eye contact; instead she focused on a point on the grey horizon. "I hope all the best for you, Sasuke, I truly do. Please take care of yourself". The woman smiled at him one last time _sincerely_ as she straightened herself and turned to head back to the party. Funnily enough, she thought she would cry and beg him to stay or take her with him, because she loved him with all her heart and that was enough, _right?_ \- but she felt nothing, just plain numbness in her heart.

"Sakura" his voice was deep and calm, as always. She didn't turn. _Say you will remember me, say you will see me again._

He paused. The sky wasn't grey anymore, it turned pitch black with no stars. No moon. Only building lights forming shadows against them. 

" _Thank you_ "

She nodded; maybe he saw it, maybe he didn’t. Sakura accepted it and decided, from that moment on, he was not her concern anymore.

_say you'll remember me, even if it's in your wildest dreams._

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2019: I’m still alive, I think.

As always, don't forget to leave a review telling me what you think.


	2. half time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura loved Sasuke but in hindsight, she knew it couldn't work between them, it wasn't meant to be from the very beginning. She had been right to doubt when they decided to cross that line all those years ago. Back then she hoped for his love, but in order to love anyone, she had to learn to love herself first. / Modern AU - Heavy Angst

**Chapter 2: half time**

**.**

**.**

**1 month later:**

He was there again: on a balcony on a dark night, all alone. The floor stretched out in front on him, he walked into the darkness. Some hazy part of his rational brain warned him: he should turn the other way, to go back and run, he already knew what was coming. His heart, on the other hand, told him to keep moving, he knew there was something coming.

As if following his cue, suddenly there was light, bright as the sunniest day, and there she was. _Just like last time_ : gaze lost on the horizon, white dress floating against the wind. He felt his chest compress and his legs had a mind of their own: he was almost running to get to her. _There's no time._ And he run and walked and tried to move but it was like his body wouldn’t hear him and he couldn’t get closer, _but he was trying god damnit and not getting any closer._

 _Sakura._ She looked at him with surprise, like she didn’t expect him. _Hi Sasuke-kun._ He was taken aback; she hadn't called him that since they were kids _. Do you remember what I wanted to be, when we were little?_ He was confused by the question but tried to think hard, Sakura had a tendency of talking too much and he had a tendency of listening too little. _You wanted to be a doctor_.

She laughed at him, nudging him with her elbow. _Before that silly, think back, when we were really little._ He tried to remember but nothing came back _. Come on Sasuke-kun! I told you a million times!_ As he looked her in those green _green_ yellow _green_ eyes, he felt it on his throat first, like it was closing and there wasn’t enough air for him to breath. 

_Don't worry though, I'll show you._

Right before his eyes she climbed on the balcony rail, laughing, barely keeping her balance against the soft wind. His chest hurt. _Sakura, get down, you are going to fall._ His tone urgent, his hands trying to get ahold of any part of her. _I won't until you remember!_ She started mimicking wings with her hands, barely keeping balance. In his desperation, all he could think about was how to get her down, next to him, safe. Sakura stopped laughing and looked at him with disappointment. _I wanted to be a fairy, remember?... you don’t remember? You never do._ He panicked at her tone. _I'm sorry, I won't forget now, but please just take my hand_. She smiled down at him, genuinely, the softest barely there crease in her eyes as they looked gazes.

_Thank you…_

Then she turned her back to him, and like a feather she fell into oblivion before he could do anything to stop her. He couldn't breathe, he tried to jump after her but he realized he was tied to the floor, he couldn't follow her, he couldn't save her. _SAKURA_! _SAKURA_! _SAKURA_!

" **SAKURA** " Sasuke woke himself with the scream. He was shaking, his whole chest covered in sweat. He ran his hands through his hair, trying to calm down his fast beating heart, the pain in his chest suffocating him. The clock on his bedside table read 4:56 AM.

**3 months later:**

.

.

It was 9 AM and the guys from the moving company were late _again_. She tried to relax and keep her obsessive tendencies under control. They were late and she needed to move before her landlord threw all her stuff out of the window. She'd already showered and decided on a pair of black leggings with an oversized hoodie. She had woken up so early that had to wait for the coffee shop around the corner to open at 8AM. Since all her stuff was neatly packed in boxes, she didn't have a single utensil to cook with.

She decided to do a last swipe, as she sipped on her latte. The place she was moving out from wasn't comfortable by any means, but was a decent place considering her student budget: a small kitchen and dining-living area took up most of the space of the apartment, one bedroom and bathroom completed her now former home.

She checked again that all her bathroom cabinets were empty and made her way to the bedroom. Her landlord had decided to buy her mattress, and she had happily agreed. As she seated on it, she contemplated on all the memories. She remembered all the times Ino crushed with her after drinking too much at a party, all the times she laid there feeling miserable about herself. Most recently, she recalled the tears of happiness rolling out of Hinata's eyes when she told her she was pregnant with Naruto's baby.

Out of all the memories, the one she cherished the most was from a Sunday morning. Sasuke had brought dinner with him the night before, strangely so. She remembered like it had been yesterday, the way those dark circles under his eyes framed his handsome face, making him look older; the way he was _actually telling_ her about his week at work and how tired he was. In hindsight, she had been so taken aback by his behavior, she hadn't enjoyed it. Perhaps that was her fault: she failed to address the small efforts he made, always looking surprised by them, being awkwardly quiet instead of just letting go.

That was the first night, since they had started sleeping together, that they _actually_ slept on her bed. She remembered offering him a massage, a bold move, and he had agreed. He had wrinkled his nose at the smell of the oil she was using _'Don't make me smell like a girl, Sakura'_ She had laughed at him, partially ignoring him. But then, maybe that had been her fault as well: she idolized and romanticized a relationship with him, so many years imagining how it would be, that when reality didn't match up… she tried ( _her way –always her way_ ) to make up for it in her mind, and in doing so she tended to neglect him.

That night Sasuke feel asleep before she could even reach his arms with her touch, he looked completely exhausted. The next morning, she woke up to the surprise that he was still there. Usually he would sneak out in the middle of the night or after he took a shower. She was never invited into those showers, though. _Maybe I should have just joined him?_ Sakura took that time, _sacred time,_ to memorize his features into her mind. How he seemed to prefer to sleep on his stomach with one arm as a pillow, the way his two-day beard grew from his neck to his cheeks; and the way his long lashes tangled together at the very corner of his eyes. She realized his pale skin showed some of his veins near his cheeks and she couldn't resist touching one. She felt the need to protect him, to hug him, her heart ached for him, but she knew it wasn't for her to have him. With trembling lips, she placed a kiss on his forehead, but she couldn't resist the tears. Quickly and quietly to not wake him, she slid off her bed and strolled down the hallway to the kitchen. As she closed the door, she failed to see that the dark-haired man was indeed awake, his hand lingering where her lips had just been seconds ago.

The buzz of her phone startled her, she'd gotten lost in the world of memories, losing track of the time. She picked up. " _Hey pretty girl how are you? How's the moving going?_ " she sighed but tried to lighten up her spirits. Her mind was slowing catching up with the present. "It's … kind of coming along actually, they are late though, and I need to be out of here before lunch time" she moaned as she ran one hand through her hair. " _Just relax, it’ll be fine, you know how those guys are, maybe they got caught up in traffic, right?"._

" _Anyways, I was calling because we just got finished at the doctor's office and guess what...? you are going to have a… nephew!!”_

Sakura was so surprised by the news she almost spilled the whole of her cup on the mattress. "OH MY GOD! Naruto, really!? See? I told you it was going to be a boy!... I'm so happy for you guys!" she finished, her voice breaking. The pink haired felt how the turmoil of emotions she had just experienced were catching up with her, as tears of happiness run down her cheeks " _Wait! No! don’t cry Sakura…unless It’s happy tears, those are allowed! I shed a few of those myself just now, you know?_ " She laughed, for the first time in a long time she felt lighter by doing so, it felt good.

"Yes idiot! I'm crying because I'm so genuinely happy! God I'm such an emotional mess! I just feel like thinks are finally looking up, you know?" she confessed with a sincere smile. As Naruto kept talking all about Hinata's scan and how they were thinking about moving near her new place, for the first time since Sasuke left her life and left _her_ , she felt like things were going to be fine, eventually. No matter how much pain, how many tears, how broken her heart was. She was going to move on, built a life –a happy one- with Naruto and Hinata, _and_ the little one she had on her tummy as well. She was going to take care of them, she was going to make sure they were safe, after all …they were her family.

**7 months later:**

.

.

" _Well well… if it's the great Uchiha Sasuke himself, yo_!" Sasuke rolled his eyes as he twisted his chair to face the ceiling to floor windows in his office, it looked over Central Park’s autumn foliage "Naruto… still as loud as ever, that poor baby of yours will be deaf before he is born" the blonde laughed as he put his phone down on the floor " _You are on speaker asshole, I'm on building duty, Hinata thinks I should to be a little **handier** \- can you fucking believe that? so I'm stuck with a bunch a crappy pieces and a shitty manual for instructions. Pregnant woman as scary, let me tell you…_". Sasuke nodded absentmindedly.

" _So, New York, how are things going on your side of the planet?"_ the black-haired man didn't even bother replying, he rolled his eyes and waited " _We are having the worst winter; it is so cold! Hinata is happy though, she says that if I've gotten her pregnant in the summer, being hot and fat and all that, she'd have killed me and I believe her man! she's being so dramatic about everything!_ "

Suspecting the upcoming pause in the blonde's monologue, Sasuke interfered "I got a called from the FBI…" there was a silence on the other side of the line " _Well, talk about a plot twist…you sure your work is legit? Are you some sort of hitman now and you forgot to tell me?_

The sun on his side was almost set. The lights of the city casted shadows on his spacious office. For a second, he got lost on the view: the light from the cars, the taxis, the billboard and the people. All rushing home or for a after work drinks.

" _Sasuke, are you still there…?_ "

He sighed, he felt tired beyond his age "It's about Itachi" the blonde's silence encouraged him "… they wanted me to know they'd partnered with the Tokyo Special Division Unit to investigate organized crime and international working bands"

" _They wanted to update you on the Akatsuki? Did they find the guy that did it?_ "

Sasuke found himself at a loss of words, he wasn't giving objective data anymore, he felt an uncomfortable sensation on his eyes and quickly pushed at them with his free hand.

"They said they'd found new evidence rewarding Itachi's case…" It was the first time he was saying this aloud "…they think Itachi wasn't killed by them…he-, they think he committed _suicide_ " he interpreted his friend's silence as shock, he'd felt the same, he cleared his throat trying to hide his raspy voice "They said there's a letter- they somehow managed to find a letter from him after all of this time- … addressed to me. They've read it- and it seems to be very clear that he- he decided to end his life...".

" _What?…_ "

**10 months later:**

.

.

It was just a little over 5 degrees and Sakura folded her knitted scarf around her neck again as she walked through the residential area of Kamimeguro, just about ten minutes away from Nakameguro station. Hinata and Naruto's flat was a good thirty-five minutes' walk away from her own flat, right on the opposite side of the Meguro River.

She loved to think they'd chosen that part of town to be near her; but really, they'd wanted to move as far away from Hinata's family as they could. She looked at her phone as she walked, it was twenty to eight on a cold March night and she was ten minutes late to her own birthday party. She made her way passed a coffee place that was just closing and then took a right, at the very end of the street stood the Uzumaki residence.

The pink haired girl rang at the door. She was now 20 minutes late. "There you are! What took you so long?!" Naruto didn't keep her waiting for long, as he opened the door he threw himself at her, Sakura couldn't breathe properly between Naruto's hug and the amount of clothes she had on.

"Oi! Let go of me!" She shouted between giggles. He did, and instead attacked her cheeks with kisses "I'm just so happy you are here! And it's your twenty-fifth birthday! you are so old now!". Sakura couldn't keep the laugher in any more, they made their way inside the house, Naruto making faces trying to kiss her and Sakura forcing him off of her. "This is so inappropriate! You are a married man! Where is that wife of yours?".

Inside the house everyone received her with harm hugs and nice compliments, not as invasive as Naruto's, thankfully. Ino faked a cry because ' _oh they were getting so old_ ', Shikamaru greeted her and handed a wrapped book ' _I heard it was really good_ ', Lee held on her for a little bit too long until Tenten pushed him away: finally, Kakashi was, of course, late. All of her high school friends were there, along with a few people from pre-med and Med school as well. They all looked like they were having fun and getting along with each other, surprisingly.

"Hey birthday girl…"

Sakura turned around; her heart skipped a beat when she saw him "Kiba! What are you doing here?" He chuckled and raise an eyebrow "I mean…I can leave if you want me to…" he said pointing to the door, with a playful smile on his face. Sakura blushed and made a mess of herself trying to explain "What! No! I just-… I didn't know you knew- I mean, my birthday and… Naruto? How?" She was genuinely confused to see him there, confused but very excited.

"Well, he just called letting me know you guys were having a little reunion and invited me to join you… I hope that's okay with you?". She smiled and tucked a hair behind her ear "Don't be silly" It’s great to see you here! I just wasn't expecting it… how are things going?".

Naruto hugged his wife from behind as he watched -not discretely- Sakura interact with the brown-haired man. He had met him a couple of times before, he used to assist Sakura’s pharmacology class as he was a few years older than her. On his third year as a med student, he had decided to switch to a graduate engineering program. He remembered Sakura saying something about him wanting to create and build medical equipment, prosthesis and that sort of thing.

Hinata turned her face to kiss the blonde on the neck "What is your plan mister? I can see what you did there…" she said pointing her glass towards the couple. He chuckled "I have no idea about what you are talking about…" he whispered in her ear, the black-haired woman bit her lip as she smiled. She handed him her glass and made sure he understood the look she was giving him - _don't meddle_ -, her husband could be so thick sometimes. She grabbed a tray with snacks and made her way around the living room making sure everyone was enjoying themselves.

After a while, Sakura left Kiba talking with Shikamaru and Shino. They knew each other from the science lab, so she was sure they would make him feel comfortable. It wasn't like he needed it though, the boy had such a charming personality, she doubted he ever felt uncomfortable, even if he was in a room full of new acquaintances. Taking the stairs to the second floor, she made her way to the quieter side of the house. She suspected he was already down for the day, but she wanted to see him, just for a second, to just kiss his chubby cheek and smell that delicious baby scent.

She opened the second door to the right; the lights were dim and Hinata was singing a soft lullaby to the baby in her arms. Sakura made her way inside slowly, trying to make as little noise as possible. Once she reached her, they crossed smiles. Boruto was asleep in his mother's arms, he had Naruto's blonde hair and Hinata's grey eyes. The pink haired kissed him lightly on his head and moved aside letting Hinata pass through, she then looked over his little library, it was filled of books to the rims _. Of course, he was Hinata's baby._

Suddenly she stopped her browsing and grabbed on from the top shelf "Oh c'mon! I was going to get him the exact same thing! Who beat me?" she whispered. Hinata turned around slowly, bottle on hand. She was whispering as well "Hm…Sasuke?".

Sakura felt like she has swallowed an extremely sour candy. Of course, he would think of that! he was stupidly smart just like she was. She picked up the book and opened it -Hinata arranged a row of bottles and stuffed animals, trying to give her some space- the pink haired could see him walking through a book store with a coffee _(black),_ thinking about finding something entertaining for Boruto yet still educative and stimulating for a baby _. Just like she had done_. She looked up suddenly, _why-why were there tears on her eyes?_

"Hey…" Hinata made her way to her and stroked her arm. She offered her a napkin and a sympathetic smile "Sakura, it is okay for you to feel like this…"

The medic chuckled miserably, not making eye contact "Is it okay to feel like I am missing half of my heart every single day? Is it okay to miss him so much I feel like I can't breathe?"

The mother grabbed her friend's arms and turned Sakura to her "Is it okay if I'm honest with you?" Sakura nodded "…you're always going to miss him no matter what, you need to accept it" Hinata cupped her cheek and forced her to make contact with her bright grey eyes

"Sakura, you need to accept that he is always going to be on your heart, stop trying to push it away, you will reach a point, maybe two months from now or maybe a year from now, who knows? when you will think about him and it will hurt a little bit less every time. It will, I swear."

The honesty and compassion in the grey eyed woman made Sakura tear up again, she was so tired of feeling like that. She felt like she was right in the middle of a tunnel, she was grieving: the light at the end somedays looked brighter than others, but she knew it was there. It was just a matter of finding the other side.

Sakura nodded and thanked Hinata for the napkin, as they both turned around, little Boruto was seated on his crib looking over at them with curiosity, she couldn't contain her giggles. "Hi there, what are you doing up past your bed time huh?... Do you want to give your aunty lots of kisses and cuddles for her birthday, is that so?".

Hinata looked at them with a motherly smile as she wiped a single tear from the corner of her eye. She heart felt heavy, she desperately wanted her friend to be happy.

**1 year later:**

.

.

"Good morning! please come on in, make yourself comfortable".

He looked around reluctantly, the space wasn't big and that didn't help with his uneasiness. Big floor to ceiling windows showed the west side of Central Park: the Christmas spirit itself, he was sure the view was there just to make patients feel less claustrophobic.

He was pointed towards the white couch on the end of the room. In front of him was a wood coffee table with a glass of water on top of a coaster. Neat and clean. The walls were bare white, except for a few black and white paintings. Impersonal. She was sitting on the other side of the table, on an identical white couch. She was looking over the notes on her lap, giving him time to adjust. _Was he that obvious?_

"So, Uchiha Sasuke is it?" He nodded. "What brings you here today?". She had a nice tone of voice, not too high yet still feminine. He wondered if she ever considered narrating for an audio book company.

What brought him there? he had just been asked, he felt the pain starting at the pit of his stomach. _Why was he there?_ Suddenly his tie knot felt too tight and the room was too hot. This wasn't him: he was embarrassed. She kept her eyes on him still.

"Well… how about we get to know each other a bit more first? My name is Yuhi Kurenai, I am a Harvard Medical School graduated, specialized on anxiety disorders and most of my work revolves around PTSD and OCD, which stand for post-traumatic stress disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, respectively" He stared. _That's not who I am._

"Most of my patients come here to talk about either a traumatic event or a situation that has somehow determine the way they act or the state of mind they are in, we try to talk about it and work around the problem. Sometimes, and only when it's justified, we'll consider alongside therapy, working with some sort of medication".

Sasuke felt the knot of his tie closing even tighter around his neck. The looked over the window to Central Park: yellow, green and red lights. It was winter. He breathed.

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Don't forget to comment, let me know what you think! 


	3. resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura loved Sasuke but in hindsight, she knew it couldn't work between them, it wasn't meant to be from the very beginning. She had been right to doubt when they decided to cross that line all those years ago. Back then she hoped for his love, but in order to love anyone, she had to learn to love herself first. / Modern AU - Heavy Angst

**Chapter 3: resolution**

**1 year and 3 months later:**

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The ceremony ended with her speech; she'd graduated at the very top of her class. She assumed that after being high school valedictorian, college and medicine school were going to be extremely hard, she didn't even dream about achieving so much back then. The place was full of graduated students and their families. She made her way through the mass of people, trying to find hers. She spotted them easily, Naruto had Boruto on his shoulders, dressed as a baby graduated, robe and all.

She was met with all sorts of congratulations, hugs and multiple presents from her friends and parents. Her dad cried as he took pictures of Sakura and her mom, Sakura and the Uzumakis, Sakura and Kiba, Sakura alone and multiple with Ino _of course_ …, she actually had to ask her mom to take away the camera from him.

Sakura felt every fiber of her being vibrating with positivity: she had graduated; she was closer to her dream of becoming a doctor. All her friends were there to support her: her godson, her boyfriend, her parents. _Life can't get any better than this._

After a while they decided to split up, rest and then regroup for a late dinner. Hinata needed to put Boruto down for his nap and sort everything for the babysitter. Her parents wanted to change before dinner, as they had only arrived a couple of hours before the ceremony and she was exhausted as hell from all the adrenaline of the day.

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"C'mon! are you kidding me! Another present?" Sakura made her way excitedly into the kitchen of her apartment. She had just gotten out of the shower, they were a little tight on the time. Naruto had made reservations at 8PM at Sakura's favorite Italian place and she was still on her bath robe.

Kiba was already dressed up in a light blue button up shirt and khaki dress pants. He was standing in front of the big bouquet, she kissed him on the cheek as she turned the base admiring the flowers "I had no idea you were verse in the art of _hanakotoba_ …" she glazed his way playfully. Kiba's face was void of any emotion, he kept his gaze locked on the flowers.

"I bet Ino told you gladiolus are my favorites! Thanks love, it means so much to me!" She hugged him from the side as he responded kissing the side of her forehead. An absentmindedly kiss, nonetheless.

Sakura made her way to the bathroom "Give me just twenty minutes and I'll be ready!". When she was nowhere to be seen, Kiba read the note on his hand once more, a cold chill run down his spine. He crushed the paper so hard his nails left red lines on his palm. Angrily he opened the trash can and threw it in. _He_ had no place in his life, _in their lives_. He belonged there, in the trash, alone and forgotten, far away from them.

_Congratulations._

_Strength of character, faithfulness and remembrance._

_S.U_

**2 years later:**

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"Sasuke, we have been seeing each other for what? a year now, is that right?" The weather had changed; the colorful leaves were gone and the icy feel of winter gave a foggy atmosphere. Kurenai smiled, they had made some progress, she looked directly to the man seated in front of her, the first time she met him he wasn't able to keep his gaze on her, too uncomfortable to be perceive as vulnerable. Now he looked at her curiously, waiting for her to continue "So, what do you think so far? Would you say you have changed in any way since we started?"

Sasuke took a sip from his glass, trying to make time to actually make something up, he preferred when she asked straightforward questions: _how would you describe your relationship with your father, how has your mother's absence affected your relationship with women, who is Uchiha Sasuke?_ This introspective shit was already fucked up, trying to think of the ways he had changed meant going back and dig a little bit deeper into his subconscious.

He placed the glass on the coaster. Kurenai kept smiling at him, patiently. He knew from experience the woman could seat for a complete hour in silence, waiting for him to be comfortable enough, waiting for him to find the right words to talk. It wasn't easy for him to open up, but he found she had a way to get him to talk about things… things he thought he would never in his life discuss with anyone else.

He sighed in defeat. "I think I have been able to reflect on some things and situations…" she nodded encouraging him "I have been able to sleep better with the pills you gave me, I don't… have nightmares as often anymore". He glanced at the snow falling into the trees outside "I have been thinking about-… I think I shouldn't have moved here on the first place".

Kurenai pretended to look offended "But then we wouldn't have met and you probably –most likely- wouldn't have been able to reach that exact conclusion". Sasuke chuckled and relaxed into the sofa. The woman smiled triumphantly at him "See-…" she pointed at him with her pen "right there, you wouldn't have loosened up and smiled at me like that a year ago, now am I right?". His only response was to shake his head in amusement at her antics.

She continued "I am actually proud of you Sasuke, you have accomplished something here, you have made yourself take the steps into the right direction" he glanced away, sight lost in the infinite grey scenery. "I want you to know there is hope for you, even if you don't believe it. I've been saying this from the very beginning but… you need to believe it yourself in order to move forward".

Sasuke was still, times like these made him feel that what little he had accomplished was nothing compared with what he still had to work on. "I feel depressed sometimes, isolated. I feel like I have no right to call my friends anymore… I- I feel anxious when I realize how lonely I am". She scribbled down on her notebook "I enjoy the solitude but miss the spontaneity of friendships, I missed my best friend's and god son's first year party on propose…I was too embarrassed to show my face after all I've done. I don’t deserve them".

A silence followed.

Kurenai looked at him intently "Why don't you book a flight tonight so you can be there tomorrow?" he seemed surprise and for a second thought she had to be kidding. "You claim you miss spontaneity and close relationships, you feel your friends don't reach out as much as they did before you moved… so why don't _you_ do it?".

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She circled around her room for the nth time, she wouldn't be surprised if her neighbors filled a formal complaint against her. She was sure they could hear her thoughts all the way to the first floor. Just an hour ago Kiba left, they had had a huge argument: he wanted to move in into her apartment, or for her to move into his. The problem? She wasn't sure about it. The reason? She wasn't positive about that either. The woman sat down on her cream couch: her mind trying to rationalize every single thing she had said.

The medic knew she loved Kiba, she loved everything about him, she saw herself with him in the future, _maybe with a dog?_ But then, why was she so unsure about committing to a deeper level of a relationship? Part of her wanted to blame her shortcomings on her past’s experiences, she never had those sorts of problems with a certain black-haired man. He never _even_ mentioned, in all the years of their on-and-off affair, anything about living arrangements. Let alone inviting her to his house, to live- _together_.

Now she had a man she was happily in love with, a man who went beyond anything to make her happy, who wanted to share his life with her. So, where did this apprehension come from? Sakura picked up the cushion and used it to muffle her scream. She knew her actions where somehow normal, everyone was a little scare of committing, _right?_ What if they ended up discovering that, after all, they were highly incompatibles on a day to day basis?

She felt like she was experiencing a case of split personality, part of her was half excited about the possibilities of making her relationship with Kiba stronger; and half scared about taking their relationship to the next level. The other part of her, was just shaking her head, saying _no_ , _this isn’t it._ Her imaginary head, because that was all in her mind. Sakura grabbed her head between her hands, _this was so confusing._

She sat straight; outside her window the most beautiful sunset was setting. From a medical point of view, her actions and hesitation made sense. But she couldn't help but wonder… _was that it?_ The head representing the other half of her imaginary personality disagreed. But she chose to ignore it.

No risk, no gain… _right?_

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"Sakura…"

The girl had a cardboard box un her right arm and a determined look on her face "Look- I'm sorry alright? about what I said earlier" she clarified and shifted uncomfortable on her feet.

"This is all new to me and I-… I'm not so sure how to do this- this whole grown up relationship, I just suck at it" she declared. Kiba looked at her with a curious face "What's on the box then?" Sakura glanced down at it, like she had forgotten she had it on the first place. "Well…some clothes, a mug and a couple of books…?"

The man's grin showed all his perfect teeth, even his particularly sharp canines "And they are coming in to stay?"

Sakura's face mimicked his as she nodded, he responded with a hug as he kissed her cheek and helped her into his flat. "Get on then, you will be bringing more of those boxes in the future, yeah?" She let out a genuine laugh. "Don't get ahead of yourself mister, I brought the mug, if that's not compromising a don't know what is…"

Kiba shocked his head lovingly, how this amazing woman chose him, over all the guys out there, he would never know. All he knew, as he saw her making her way to his kitchen and unpacking her belongings, it felt _right_. Like she was supposed to be there with him _, forever_.

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Naruto was early to pick up Boruto. It was just over 7:30 in the evening, he was half an hour early. They were laying in the living room of her apartment; Boruto had insisted on making a den, so she took all the pillows and sheets she could find and threw on some Christmas lights to make it look even cozier. On her laptop, they were watching The Lion King.

Sakura sensed something was wrong the moment she opened the door; Boruto yelled from inside his hideout "Look daddy! I've built a cave!". Naruto's face softened: "I can see that mate… you stay there while daddy and auntie talk, yeah?". The blond took a seat on the kitchen isle counter and run both his hands through his face, pulling the skin as he did so. She decided to prepare tea. He looked annoyed and uncomfortable, completely unlike himself.

She was about to ask what was wrong, when he talked: "Where's Kiba?" She served two mugs of green tea.

"He's at some dinner with the guys from his firm…" she dismissed. Naruto sipped the tea; it was too hot. Sakura felt on edge. "What's going on? You are scaring me being so serious all of a sudden" She tried to lighten up the mood.

Naruto made a move to take her hands and rubbed them with his thumbs as he looked intently into her eyes. "I need a favor…" Sakura felt her body relax considerably and a smile made its way to her face.

"It's about Sasuke...". The blonde saw how the pink haired reacted to his friend's name: her frown deepened between her eyes; she took her hand off his on an aggravated manner. He kept his eyes firmly on hers. "He is dealing with a lot of stuff right now and he needs us, you and me, he needs us to help him get through this".

The young woman felt fire running through her veins, she wanted to hit him, _hard_. "Oh, so now Sasuke _needs_ our help? I mean, as if we hadn't been there when his parents got in that accident or when Itachi got himself killed" she spited the words with anger.

Naruto frowned at her response, he was hurt by her lack of cooperation "Well it's not our job to judge him is it?" his tone louder "What kind of friend are you that you'd only help him if there's something in for you? So now that you are with Kiba you turn your back on him, is that it?...".

Sakura's face deformed in pure shock and anger "How dare you say something like that to me…" she pushed Naruto back away from her. "I was there! I gave him 15 years of my life, I fucking _lived_ for him" she shouted. Naruto stood his ground, he shook his head disagreeing.

"I tried- hell all of us tried to get him back, everything revolved around him for us, and what did he do? For fuck's sake he ignored us, he kept us at arm's length, he mistreated us. He hurt you and he hurt me". She counted miserably.

Naruto rubbed his eyes, trying to calm down "You are wrong, he was hurting and that's why he wouldn't let us in. We should've kept trying, even harder to get to him… if only we'd-…".

Sakura hit the counter with her fist "We would've drowned down with him!..." she tried to reason through her anger "And even if we wanted to keep trying, he left me, he _left us,_ he moved all the way across the globe, so he didn't have to see our faces anymore. How's that for a friend to you?!".

The woman noted that Naruto wasn't looking at her anymore, outside of his den Boruto looked at them, tears on his eyes while he hugged his blanket. Before the blonde could act, Sakura rushed past him and took the toddler on her arms; she rubbed his back and whisper into his ear: _it's okay my love, I'm so sorry, shhh, everything’s okay_.

Eventually the crying stopped, and he fell asleep. Naruto was still standing near the kitchen counter when Sakura walked over to him. "I'm happy now, without him… I thought I was never going to feel this way again" She handed the toddler to his father, carefully to not wake him up. Naruto wouldn't meet her gaze, she touched his arm reluctantly. "All I'm asking is… for once just- just be on my side, that's what _I_ need". Naruto opened his mouth to protest but he saw her face: her eyes were filled with unshed tears, a sad smile on her face. She looked tired and vulnerable.

He nodded and made his way to the door, she handed him Boruto's backpack, but he held on her hand. He squeezed it once, then a second time when she wouldn't meet his gaze. Sakura held her stare on their joint hands, it took a while for him to notice the ring on her left hand.

"Kiba proposed… we were going to tell all of you tomorrow" she paused, a bittersweet smile "...and I said _yes_ , I'm going to be his wife" Sakura meet his shocked eyes. "I am getting married, and not to Sasuke… It's over Naruto, I've moved on, and so should you..." she finished with a soft tone.

After kissing Boruto's cheek, she closed the door, not looking at Naruto's face. She stood there, her heart pounding hard at her chest, tears running free; yet she felt numb, as if by closing the door she had closed a bigger chapter of her life. But then, _why she felt like she was drowning from the ache of her heart_?

_Sakura, thank you…_

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_hanakotoba= language of flowers._

Don't forget to comment!!


	4. interim i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura loved Sasuke but in hindsight, she knew it couldn't work between them, it wasn't meant to be from the very beginning. She had been right to doubt when they decided to cross that line all those years ago. Back then she hoped for his love, but in order to love anyone, she had to learn to love herself first. / Modern AU - Heavy Angst

Chapter 4: interim i

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It was 2 in the afternoon Japan time, which meant it was well close to midnight for his New York time zone accustomed body. He made his way through a deserted area of the airport. Having a private plane meant he didn’t have to struggle with the rest of the flying population whilst waiting for his luggage, in fact, a nice-looking attendant was waiting for him at the end of the hallway with his bags and a flirtatious smile.

Have a great day Mr. Uchiha. 

Sasuke finally made it to the arrival hall of Narita Airport, regardless of being off season, the main floor was roaring with life. As he made his way to the gates, trying to dodge a group of what looked like American tourists, he checked his phone: he already had 34 e-mails and a couple of missed calls. He sighed as he ran a hand through his face, taking time off work was already proving to be more troublesome than he thought it would be. 

“Sasuke! Right here!”.

The dark-haired man sighed again; some things never changed, he guessed. A few meters from him stood his best friend, he saw how the blonde bended down to pick up a toddler. Even from a distance the similarities where unmistakable: Boruto looked exactly like Naruto had when they were kids, he admitted to himself it actually freaked him out a little. The boy had the same goofy grin and blonde hair, only his eyes where a clearer shade of blue compared to his father’s. As he came closer, he noticed the toddler’s attention on him, Naruto was smiling at his son when he said: “Look Boruto! this is you uncle Sasuke, remember I told you he was the biggest loser but still Papa’s best friend?

Indeed, some things never changed. 

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“How come you are so familiar with this city?”.

Sakura looked up from the small stall, Kiba was looking at her with curiosity. She thanked Yamisaha-san with a small bow as she paid for their kushiage. The old man smiled his toothless smile and her and encourage her to visit him again soon. She handed one stick over to her fiancé as she took a bit of hers “…because I’ve been coming to Osaka since the beginning of the year for my residency, and I’ve had to come to Nara a few times, of course by now I’m familiar with the place”. 

Kiba was too engrossed in his delicious kushiage to actually pay attention to her response as they made their way through the crowded area. Choosing the Nara Park area for an evening stroll on a Saturday seemed like a good idea, before they realized that holiday season plus a weekend meant people everywhere. The temperature wasn’t too bad for early December, at a steady 12 degrees, both Sakura and Kiba were warmly wrapped up in their coats and gloves as they strolled down the park. 

“That’s not what I meant, you seem to know where everything is, which places to go…” Sakura looked at him with a smile as she wiped the crumbles from her face “well… I’ve been coming here since I was little, I thought I told you about that…” She grabbed his arm to get closer to him, looking for body heat. 

Kiba held into her hand, rubbing it through the gloves “I though your parents’ cabin and your grandparents lived up north…?”.

“Oh no, we used to come here as kids, Naruto and I, we had a friend…” Kiba took a glance at her, her eyes were fixed on the pavement as they walked “…he used to live with his family in Tokyo, but the rest of his family lived down south in Nara“. 

“They are one of those old and traditional clans, you know?” He nodded, he’d met a few people that belonged to those intertwined ‘family’ associations, it didn’t resemble a family at all in his opinion, it was all about duty and pretense. Those he’d met in the past barely talked to their parents or siblings, unless it was about money. He decided to keep his opinion private. 

“…most of his extended family still live in the compound, it’s about an hour away from central Nara, it’s the most beautiful construction, really old and extremely huge”. 

“We used to come here for the whole summer, our friend had an older brother- he was a lot older, but he liked hanging out with us…we would come to the park and chase after deer for hours…” she said as she pointed to a group of kids laughing and running around the deer. 

“We would pretend to be ninjas and run around the city- I don’t think his parents knew exactly what we were up to, to be quite honest… God we were reckless. I guess they assumed Itachi and Shisui, that’s their cousin, were looking after us, maybe that’s why they never- Oh, I’m sorry! Don’t mind me rambling away about some childhood memory…” she reprimanded herself. 

Kiba just smiled as he hugged her with one arm, pulling her even closer to his body “so… how come I haven’t met this Itachi friend of yours?”.

Sakura swallow the last piece of meat as they turned left to one of the exits of the park, it felt heavy and dull on her tongue. She shrugged his arm from her shoulders to reach the bin on the side and didn’t even bother correcting Kiba as she turned his way “…he died”. 

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Hinata was putting the last touches on the table as she heard the front door open, the sound of her husband’s voice echoed throughout the whole house. She smiled as she wiped her hands on her apron and sized up her work: since she was a small kid, her mother had seen that both her and Hanabi were taught in the art of cooking, serving and entertaining. She wasn’t really sure about Sasuke’s tastes these days, but she was sure there was nothing like a traditional Japanese breakfast.

“Welcome home, Sasuke” she greeted when she saw the dark-haired man walk through the dining room door. He definitely looked older, same as Naruto. He now had a grown man aura to the way he carried himself. Sasuke Uchiha looked good, healthy, taller and broader on the shoulders, but still serious and polite as ever. He made a small and respectful bow as he handed a well-sized and beautifully wrapped package. “It’s just something small I just thought you’d like”. 

Hinata brightened at the kind gesture and bowed respectfully back to him “Thank you Sasuke, you didn’t have to…” she assured him as she smiled and pointed to the stairs “I’ve arranged the whole second floor for you, you can find fresh towels in the bathroom and I’ve stocked the mini bar as well so you don’t have to come all the way down if you get thirsty”. 

A loud shout from Naruto was heard as he entered the dining room with Boruto on his shoulders, pretending to be an airplane. Hinata rolled her eyes at Sasuke with a complicit smile, as he ignored his loud friend “I appreciate it Hinata, you didn’t have to do that. I don’t mean to impose…I’ll call one of the hotels later and find if they have any of the pent-…”

“Nonsense” she affirmed with a sweet smile as she gestured to get the toddler from Naruto “I won’t have the godfather of my son staying on a penthouse on a fancy hotel when he can just as easily stay here with us” she declared. The blonde stood behind his wife pulling silly faces and gestures at Sasuke. With Boruto on her hip and his gift in hand she pointed to the table “Breakfast is ready, do wash up and settle in, we’ll be waiting, I’ll start on some coffee in case you feel like having some” she finished as she started to make her way to the kitchen. 

Naruto stuck out his tongue in a mocking way as he followed “I told you… you can’t want argue with her”. 

“Naruto-kun...”.

“Coming love!...”. 

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“That friend you mentioned earlier… is he Naruto’s friend who moved away?” Sakura looked up from the viewfinder of her camera, Kiba had his hands stuffed in his pockets, she couldn’t decide whether he looked uncomfortable or just cold at the steps of the Kasuga Taisha shrine.

“You seem to be rather curious today” Sakura pointed out as she turned her attention back at the scene in front of her: two small deer where playing in the snow near the red pillars of the shrine, she crouched down trying to get a better composition “Yeah, the same one. We met when we’re babies, I guess… our families knew each other from back in the day…” She smiled as she checked the picture, Kiba looked at her expectantly. 

“Anyway, we went to school together… back then his father was expanding a few of his businesses abroad and he had to move away…” She turned back and aimed her camera to her boyfriend’s face, she giggled at his displeased face. After a few shots, she pulled down the camera and adjusted the strap on her shoulder “If I remember correctly it was right before our first year at Hibiya that-…”.

Kiba made a move to interrupt her “You went to Hibiya?! I had no idea…” A look of incredulity crossed his features. Sakura couldn’t understand why the atmosphere around them had gotten so weird all of a sudden. She smiled trying to brush it off, because it wasn’t that big of a deal, right? “C’mon! It must’ve come up at some point, it was ages ago anyway…”. 

“Long story short, they decided to move back to Japan after a few years, they had him take the exam to enter Kaisei Academy, that’s where his brother had graduated from. He was a genius even back then so of course he made it with the highest score… you should have seen Naruto, he was actually enraged to see his best friend– I’m sorry, is this boring to you? I’m rambling again…”.

“Nah…I like to hear you talking about school, I bet you must’ve been really hot when you were younger, with that little skirt, I wish I knew you back then”. He finished cheekily. 

“Kiba!”

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Monday afternoon found her at their usual coffee place near the hospital in the Shibuya area. The weather was chilly but still sunny for December, Sakura hadn’t had the chance to change out of her regular light blue scrubs and opted for a comfy black parka on top. Ino was already sited when she arrived, the table was covered with fabric samples, A4 binders and high-end magazines, it looked like she’d been there for a while. As she removed her outerwear, the blonde signaled the waitress without looking up from her laptop and got right into business. 

“About the location, I was looking at Meiji Jingu as your royal highness requested and I really don’t think it’s the style you are going after Sakura, it’s filled with tourists snapping pictures and it’s extremely public and-“

“But Ino! Kiba said we’d always picture his wedding at a traditional shrine…” she smiled at the waitress how offered her the menu. 

“Sakura, is it his wedding exclusively? you’ve always hated public places like that…” The pink haired medic ignored her friend as she requested a soy latte and a chicken sandwich with a side of fries.  
Ino was relentless “As your fiancé clearly has a poor sense of how things should be done, I took the liberty to request quotes from both the Park Hyatt and New Otani to get a sense of what other styles we could consider…”

Sakura grinned dreamily and she held into one of her friend’s hands “Oh Ino!, I love New Otani, remember Tenten’s wedding?” The blonde nodded just as excitedly as she checked her notes and frowned “The only issue is that they are completely full until December next year…” 

“Hm, we’d be pushing the wedding date back, again…” Sakura considered as she received the plate from the waitress and thanked her.

Ino took a sip of her tea and rolled her eyes for emphasis “Well yes… but c’mon, Meiji Jingu? That’s such an unfortunate location to be honest…imagine Mebuki’s face when you ruin all of her western fantasies”. 

Sakura faked feeling a heart attack as the blonde laughed goodheartedly. The pink haired woman wiped her lips slowly and tried again “I just don’t want to make all the decisions and come across as an inconsiderate partner to my future husband…”

Ino sighed exasperatedly “Don’t you think he’s being just as inconsiderate if he forces you marry in a place you wouldn’t feel comfortable in...”

Sakura stirred her coffee absentmindedly once again, trying to come up with a reasonable argument “It’s not like I hate the idea Ino…”. 

The blonde looked at her with a suspicious gaze as she came forward on the table and pointed her finger for emphasis “Haruno Sakura, don’t try to fool me, you hate those places, you’ve always had”. 

She surrendered “God…this is utterly stupid, this dumb wedding argument, why can’t we just do Meiji Jingu and get it over with…?”. Ino just stared right into her eyes, with her mind reading baby blue eyes. “…it’s alright Forehead” she started slowly, as if talking to a mentally disable person “I’ll forgive your lack of brain cell connections because all brides feel overwhelmed when they’re planning their dream wedding, it’s nothing to worry about…shall we move to flower arragments then?”.

Sakura sighed; it didn’t look like a dream wedding to her anymore. 

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Naruto had taken the morning off work to drive him around the city whilst running menial errands. He wasn’t sure as to why, he could’ve easily lent him the car, he was perfectly capable of getting around on his own. The first stop had been at a coffee place a few blocks from the blonde’s house, they had gotten lattes; a sandwich for him, and an extra-large sandwich and two muffins for the idiot. 

“Right, so have you given your living situation any thoughts?” the blonde asked as he stuffed half a muffin on his mouth. 

Sasuke looked at him with a raise eyebrow “Your wife pointed out that I had no other options than to stay at your place dumbass, and you are already kicking me out”. 

Naruto laughed goodheartedly “And risk contradicting her orders? I don’t think so… she is right though; you are extremely welcome to stay. I actually wanted it to say it myself, but I’m pretty sure you’d have done the exact opposite just to piss me”. 

The Uchiha looked outside the window in silence. 

Naruto signaled to turn left “…plus, it’s kind of nice to finally have a nanny to look after the little monster” he commented cheekily.

Sasuke smirked as he sipped on his coffee. What an idiot…

A comfortable silence filled the car. Naruto took the chance to study Sasuke out of the corner of his eye. He remembered a difficult man to deal with, a quiet and mostly angry person to be around. The years after Itachi’s… tragedy had been the worse. The Uchiha had been impossible to deal with, choosing to completely close up on himself, getting extremely aggressive at any provocation, attending random parties, for the alcohol and, he was pretty positive, the faceless sex. 

By the time University rolled around, Sasuke had immersed himself on his school work, never having a second to socialize with them. The fact that he got a job during his second year surprised everyone, he was the last person on earth that needed to work for money. In hindsight, it made sense for the Uchiha to pour all his energy on activities that would completely numb him and exhausted him to the point of no return. Could he really blame him? 

But the man he’d been sharing his time with this past couple of weeks, whilst still being the broody, quiet and serious Uchiha he remembered, had a different quality to him. Sasuke looked at ease, as much as he could be, Naruto mused. He’d seen a bottle of pills one morning on his nightstand, when he was looking for a charger. He wasn’t well versed in the arts of drugs, but a lifetime being friends with Sakura had taught him the basics: citaloplam and duloxetine were used to trat anxiety and depression. He desperately wanted his friend to get better, as much as anyone could, in fact, move forward from such life circumstances. He wasn’t naïve like many thought, he was aware the Sasuke from his childhood would never return, he died the moment Fugaku and Mikoto crashed on that plane. But he was optimistic to a fault, and he was sure that with the right professional help -that he seemed to be getting- and the love and support from his friends, he could get better. 

These past couple of weeks hadn’t been filled with deep conversations and transcendental realizations, but rather with comfortable silence and rides to the park with Boruto, whilst Sasuke read a book on the benches. He hadn’t asked why he had decided to visit them, he had a rough idea based on one of their previous phone calls, but he didn’t want to pressure him into opening up. Sasuke would never be one of those people whom felt comfortable talking about his feelings. Regardless, he decided to test the waters of his friend’s newfound openness. 

“I’m just curious, what happened to… you know? The apartment you shared with Itachi and-…. I don’t know, I just realized I never asked you about it and you never said anything…” he tried. 

Sasuke was looking steadily through the car window, apparently ignoring him. “It’s- never mind, let’s drop it…” the blonde shrugged. 

A minute passed before he responded “I sold it. Put all the boxes and furniture in storage and invested the money on different things” Naruto turn the radio off to hear him more clearly “I am the sole heir of Itachi’s fortune and I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with it, as well as my own inheritance money…” Sasuke commented as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. 

The blonde pouted “You are aware that people usually struggle with needing money, not with not knowing what to do because they have too much money…” 

The Uchiha snorted as he pointed Naruto to take the next exit “Have you met your in-laws yet?” the blonde bowed his head in surrender. 

“What about Nara?” the Uzumaki tried again. 

“That’s tied to the family fortune, it’s not mine to do anything with…”.

“What about your father’s companies?” Sasuke looked at his friend with a scowl, this trivia game was getting on his nerves. “They are being run by their boards I think, I don’t know…I’ll figure something out, eventually…” the Uchiha murmured, trying to finish that topic of conversation. 

Naruto parked outside the front door of the police station and turned off the engine. Sasuke was sipping at what was left of his coffee and looking intently outside through the windshield. The blonde looked at his friend’s profile and sighed, he’d give him some time to decide.

After five minutes in silence he grew restless “…you know, there’s this new American burger place near Boruto’s playground, it’s like less than fifteen minutes from here and they this neat imported beer…”. Sasuke rubbed the bridge of his nose delicately, he needed patience if he was going to make it- if he wanted Naruto to make it out alive on this particular day. “Dobe, it’s 11 am in the morning, how on earth are you thinking about burgers…”.

The Uzumaki turned his complete body and pointed at him with his index finger, feigning indignation “I’m fucking starving your ungrateful ass for the rest of the day”. 

Sasuke glanced at the police station one more time as he made up his mind. 

“Sasuke…?”

“Yeah…” He looked at the station and then at the blonde “…-let’s just go.”

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She had two missed calls from Tuesday morning she hadn’t had the time to return. As she made her way through the cafeteria, nothing in display really appeal to her so she grabbed a prepackaged hot soup and handed the cashier her credit card to pay for a latte as well. She thanked him absentmindedly and looked for a secluded area where she could enjoy her soup without distractions. Sakura sat down as she dialed back. 

“Hey Mom, how are you?”

“Hi sweetheart, I’m assuming the only reason you are dodging my calls is because they are overworking you to the ground as usual?”

She sipped on her coffee and smiled at her mom antics “…that’s exactly it”. 

“Right, so I’ll get down to it then, remember that store we went to, the one that had last year’s Vera Wang designs’ with the beautiful mermaid cut you liked?”

Sakura opened up her soup lid and grabbed a spoon from the cutlery set on the table “the one with the very expensive price tag and out of this world silk? How could I forget…”

“Exactly dear, so Kushina and I were thinking… if you are keen on expending that much already, we might as well go back to the store and look at this year’s models, since there’s this …-“ Sakura zoned out of the rest of her mom’s monologue, she rubbed her temples trying to ease the headache that was coming. The last couple of weeks had been excruciating tiring. Whilst finishing her second year as a cardiac surgeon, she was now involved in every major surgery Tsunade would perform. On top of that, her duties assisting the Director and supervising the research program for coronary artery bypass grafting, left little to no time for eating and much less sleeping. 

“…And you know me love, since you and Kiba announced the wedding I’ve been reading every single magazine out there and Kushina is so excited to work with the designer-… Sakura are you still there?” That was her cue. 

“Yeah mom that’s amazing…but it’s just that Kiba and I went over the numbers and if I splurge too much on the dress, we might risk going over budget, so I was thinking about looking into cheaper alternatives…”. She felt the headache forming on her right eyebrow, she considered going into the ER and getting a shot before a proper migraine had a change to develop. 

“Well…I mean of course, but it’s your wedding, if you can afford it and want to spend your money on a nice dress, I don’t see how that’s wrong…”. 

The pink haired sighed, praying for patience as she slowly explained “I know and I appreciate your help mom, but please just try not to be difficult about it and let’s find a different alternative to the Wang one…”. 

“Sakura, please tell me dear how am I being difficult?! I’m trying to help you to organize your wedding because your asked me to…” She could tell her mom was offended, “…please, can we just drop it? it’s just a stupid dress and Kiba had a point when he said he’d rather spend that money elsewhere…”. 

“But sweetheart, surely he can make an adjustment somewhere else, perhaps reconsider that distasteful and horrible band he was planning on hiring”

“Mother stop it! It’s not distasteful, he likes it and I like it…. can’t you just cooperate? I need you to support me on this, you are acting like the mere thought of this wedding is atrocious!”

“Excuse me?! When have I ever said anything of the like?…” The line went silent. “Sakura listen to me, I’m happy if you are happy. Nothing else matters… are you happy? Is this what you want? You know there’s no need to rush things if you are not sure…”. 

Still rubbing her eyes and trying to push the pain she quickly decided “Mom… I’ll call you back later, ok? I love you”. She didn’t even wait for her response as she hang up. The hammering on her head was getting even worse. Sakura got up from her seat, left her soup unattended and made her way to the ER to get a shot, that would help her. 

It wouldn’t help with the way her heart and chest were constricting to the point where she wasn’t sure she was breathing. 

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It had been over ten years since the last time he visited the Kansai Region. He took the Nozomi shinkansen on a Tuesday morning from Tokyo to Osaka, where he changed lines and boarded a regional train to Nara. From there, he drove a rental car to his family house, the entire journey took him about five hours. As he drove and approached the entrance to the state, he could see through the foliage the shape of very top of the daimyō castle. As history goes, the structure had been built centuries ago by the founder of the dynasty, the first Uchiha daimyō. As the years progressed and the family grew, series of expansions turned the castle into a large estate, filled with independent family homes, shrines and endless indoor gardens. He remembered having spent most of his childhood with his friends and cousins running around the compound, laughing without a care in the world. It felt like someone else’s life.

He showed his ID card to the entrance security as he rolled into the estate parking lot, his was the only car. As he got out, a figure dressed in a dark yukata approached him “Shisui” he greeted. Sasuke did nothing that revealed his surprise at seeing his once party animal, city life cousin dressed in casual traditional Japanese garments. 

“Uchiha Sasuke… it’s been awhile, what brings you to the other side of the ocean?” Sasuke looked at him trying to assimilate the changes he was seeing. Alongside Itachi, Shisui had been the most significant influence in his youth. After the death of his parents, his cousin had unofficially moved in with them and had filled their days and nights with chatter and later on, alcohol and parties. Now he looked older, definitely more mature and rested. Uchiha Shisui from his youth would’ve never retired to the south, to live in a small a quiet village alongside their family, hearing a yukata. 

“Do you care for a walk along the gardens? I was on my way there…”

Sasuke was the first to break the silence as they made their way to the main chisen kaiyuusiki of the front area. “Your father?”

Shisui remove his hand from the sleeves of his yukata as to motioned to the sky “His leg hurts more every winter, especially when it’s about to rain… he’s been talking about getting surgery again, but you know… mother isn’t really keen on it”. 

“Aa”.

The stopped by the chozubanchi, and Shisui allowed him to step near the stone basin to wash his hands, he let the drops of cold-water drip from his hands as he bowed graciously in the inner circle of the tsukubai. Sasuke felt his fingers numbing as he presented his respects in his family outer garden, dedicated to the sacred ceremony of tea. 

“Ideal weather for you to be visiting, if I recall correctly, you’ve always been rather fond of winter…” the older Uchiha commented gazing at the gray clouds. 

“I hadn’t been back in a while” Sasuke confirmed as he gazed into the middle gate that divided the entrance to the inner garden “… I was contacted by the police a few months ago and I received an official summon from court to sign a few papers and retrieve some of Itachi’s possessions”. 

Shisui exhaled a soft murmur “I see...” he cleared his throat “I received a call a year or two ago, I assume the same one you did…” Sasuke nodded solemnly. 

They stopped at the main bridge that overlooked the ponds and the waterfalls “I’ve tried to understand Sasuke…” Shisui admitted “over the years… I’ve really tried to-… imagine what Itachi was going through…”. 

“The truth is, after your parents passed away, what was left of the clan died with them…” Sasuke looked around, the ancestral lands of the Uchiha looked well taken care of, beautiful but empty, soulless. 

“We still thrive here as you can see, where our fathers and grandfathers did before us, but… we are not a family anymore. What happened to Fugaku-san and Mikoto-san, and then Itachi…”

Shisui turned to face him “In a way, I always sensed Itachi felt responsible for the death of your parents, you know how he got into a fight with them the day before they had to leave for Hong Kong… I don’t think Itachi ever forgave himself for parting on such terms with them…”

Sasuke’s gaze was lost in the depths of the pond, he noted absentmindedly the koi were abnormally large. 

“I have been so deep into my own grief; you know what your parents meant to me and Itachi…we were like brothers, Sasuke…” Shisui fists clenched by his sides. “Regardless…I haven’t been there for you, you are my brother as well, and I have failed you” the older Uchiha bowed deeply, his gaze looking forward catching Sasuke’s attention as he turned to face his cousin “I honestly hope one day you can forgive me…”. 

Sasuke, unsure of what to do, placed a hand on his cousin’s back to encourage him to return and look at him, “Shisui, you don’t have to apologize, none of it was your fault…”. 

“But I do Sasuke, I do…”, he insisted as he gently grabbed Sasuke’s shoulders and looked his gaze with his. The younger Uchiha had never been comfortable with having people touch him so intimately; however, at his cousin’s raw face of contained emotion, he didn’t find it in himself to step back. “I feel responsible for you, for Itachi. You see, I was a few years older than Itachi when the police and the lawyers came with the news. I still remember everything about that day-…” 

“Everything that happened after that… I-… I come here and pray every night that I can go back and change it all”. 

It was too much, he couldn’t stand looking at Shisui’s eyes anymore, he fixed his eyes on a bamboo forest to his left, trying to control his breathing; his heart was beating rapidly, and the tremors of his hands were getting noticeable. 

“Sasuke” Shisui insisted, “Sasuke…-look at me” he commanded, the younger Uchiha could only squeeze his eyes shut and clenched his jaw to keep under control when he felt Shisui’s forehead against his own; his breath as he murmured “I’ll be here for you next time…”

Maybe next time, little brother… 

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Three weeks had gone by since Sasuke’s arrival and he’d been pleasantly surprised on how easily his friend had adapted to their routine. He usually woke up really early, went for a run and had a cup of coffee with some breakfast. The rest of the morning would usually be spent sharing his office space whilst the two of them worked. Today had been the first time the Uchiha offered to look after Boruto so the couple took some time off to unwind and enjoy a meal together on a Friday night out. Naruto chuckled as he thought about his friend and how easily he and Boruto had bonded over the past weeks, the little man followed him everywhere. He knew Sasuke had a soft side to his personality, it saddened him that only his son got to see it. 

As he stopped on the red light, he realized he hadn’t been listening to what Hinata was saying to him, he grinned guiltily as he grabbed her hand to kiss it. He was met with his wife’s resigned face and soft pout. Before he could say anything to make up for not paying attention, her phone rang. 

“Hi dear, how are you?” Hinata said as she motioned him to keep driving, the light had turned green “Aw you are so sweet! I know… yeah… oh, but that’s great, right?”. Naruto stole a glance to his right trying to guess who was on the other side of the line. “…he is absolutely fine, the doctor said it was alright if he didn’t want to have the bottle at night, so I’m-…yeah, exactly, he said by two and a half we could safety…” The blonder zooned out the rest of the conversation, Hinata had a tendency to ramble on about extremely detailed baby stuff that he didn’t really have an understanding of. 

“Was that Hanabi?” he asked after his wife’s goodbyes. 

Hinata didn’t look at him as she went through her text messages absentmindedly “Oh no… that was Sakura, she wanted to know about Boruto’s checkup”. A silence followed “…is something the matter Naruto-kun…?” Hinata locked her phone and stared at her husband for any sign of what was on his mind, but he gripped the steering wheel and looked steadily at the road. 

“I guess I’m being a bit sensitive, but she hasn’t called me since we had that argument over at Kiba’s almost a month ago, and with Sasuke being here and all…” he mumbled. 

Hinata gently placed her hand on his thigh “…it probably escaped her mind, she sounded really tired and you know you much Tsunade exploits her”. 

After two intersections he muttered “How come she has time to call you then, if she is so busy, but not call me?”. 

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* Hibiya School is one of the best public schools in Tokyo.  
* Kaisei Academy is another really prestigious boys only school in Tokyo.

2014-2019: I can only say that I’ve been in the path of improving myself, and that includes finishing things that I’ve started in the past -and tend to never finish-. I actually struggled with this for a while, but finishing my thesis and my licensing exam, I learned that I could actually do it. How soppy and idiotic is that, idk. 

I tried to move the story along with this chapter, hope that’s not too long for you guys. I actually struggled writing a few parts, mentally I guess, that also discouraged me to write for a bit, but I managed to get over it, lol. 

Also, some people have mentioned the angst and slow buildup of this story, I kinda like that, life’s never perfect and I want to take this story into an exploration of that, as rounded as I can, so bear with me as I experiment. As for the future, this story’s been completely outline and I’m making it a point to see it through the end, ideally before the year ends; I’ve started drafting some other stories that I’ll like to share with you in the future, but I’ll take it slowly. 

Ps. I got emotional writing a few bits, I shed a tear or two. I’ve always thought Sasuke has suffer way too much, and he hasn’t been given the chance to heal. 

Don’t forget to comment! Let me know your thoughts!!


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